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Saxophone Jokes
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Saxophones

Trumpets

Trombones - also known by their hip-hop moniker, "Frankfort 4"

Rhythm Section


SAXOPHONE JOKES

Q: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument?
A: Yes.

Q: How do you tune 5 saxophones?
A: You shoot 4.

Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
A: Add vibrato.

Q: What's the difference between a Tenor sax player and a macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy, and the other is a bird.

Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?
A: The exhaust.

Q: When should a saxophonist change his reed?
A: Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music score.

Q: What do you call a saxophonist who plays mostly 64th notes?
A: A ballad-specialist.

Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a tenor sax?
A: Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles.

Q: What's the difference between a baritone sax and a vacuum cleaner?
A: The vibrato.

 

TRUMPET JOKES

Q: What do you do when a trumpet player knocks on your door?
A: Give him the money and take the pizza.

Q: How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I'm better than you."

Q: Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
A: He's too sensitive.

Q: How are trumpet players like linoleum?
A: Lay them once and you can walk on them forever.

Q: What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: What's the difference between a puppy and a trumpet player?
A: Eventually the puppy stops whining.

 

TROMBONE JOKES

Q: How many trombonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it's the only thing they won't screw.

Q: What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: "Year-at-a-glance"

Q: How do you reduce wind drag on a trombonist's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: A bass trombone player with a beeper.

Q: What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
A: It's easier to improvise on a chain saw.

Q: How do you keep a trombonist from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a lawnmower?
A: It's easier to find work in the summer with a lawnmower.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone player and a frog walking down the street?
A: The frog is probably going to a gig.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.

Q: What's so tragic about a minivan with 5 trombones in it running off the side of a cliff?
A: You could have fit more trombones in it.

Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the snake.

 

RHYTHM SECTION JOKES

Q: How do you know a drummer is at your door?
A: The knocking keeps speeding up and slowing down.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A Drummer.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: How do you put a twinkle in a female singer's eye?
A: Shine a light in her right ear.

Q: How can you tell when a female singer is at the front door?
A: She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in counterpoint?
A: Have them read off the same part.

Q: Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down his volume?
A: Put music in front of him.

Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Why do drummers have pea sized brains?
A: Alcohol makes the brain swell

Q: What do a vacuum cleaner and a guitarist have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they suck.

Q: How do you get a drummer to play his/her drums?
A: Start tuning your guitar.

Q: What does the guitar player say when he gets to work?
A: " Would you like fries with that, sir?"

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q: Why are there four strings on a bass?
A: Three are spares.

Q: How are  female vocalists and terrorists alike?
A: They both destroy bridges.

Q: What does it mean when drool rolls out of both sides of the drummer's mouth?
A: The stage is level.

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?

Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.

Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.

Q: What do you call a drummer without a band?
A: A soundman.

 





 


This page created and maintained by Vince Clark  for the Outcast Jazz Band.
All rights reserved for ever and ever
Last updated 02/03/10